Conflict...

Everyone experiences conflict at some point or another in their lives. I like to think of myself as an assertive person when it comes to conflict, but I know that this has not always been the case. There have been plenty of times where I have been non-assertive, and ended up feeling like a doormat or felt that I was taken advantage of.
A conflict I had, when I was younger, with a friend of mine illustrates both my non-assertive and assertiveness. I had agreed to watch her daughter, for a few weeks, since she had just gotten a new job and was looking into daycare. At the time I had a toddler of my own to take care of, and was very pregnant.
Her daughter, it turned out, was a nightmare! She would throw huge fits, screaming, kicking, throwing herself around, and acting all around horrible. At first I didn't say much to the mom about the behavior, thinking that her behavior was due to being somewhere new, or her mom going back to work. When I did talk to her about the behavior of her daughter she was not surprised. This seemed to be the behavior she expected from her daughter. She had failed to mention this when asking me to watch her daughter in the first place.
At this point I asked about daycare and how she was coming along with that. I was blown off and told she hadn't had a chance to look into it yet. It upset me that she hadn't even made an attempt to look into it. I felt that I was being used. Our arrangement was only to be for a short time, until she got her daughter into daycare. Yet I was afraid to say anything about how I felt, I didn't want to seem pushy. At that point in my life I was just not comfortable asserting myself. To make a long story short this went on for months. Finally when I had enough I told her that we needed to talk.
I thought a lot about what wanted to say and how she made me feel. I didn't want to go into a conversation being defensive or making her feel defensive. For all I knew she had no idea how I felt about the situation, since until now I hadn't mentioned anything to her about how I felt. When we talked I told her that I agreed to watch her daughter it was to be for a short time, not for months on end. I felt that I had been more than accommodating with her in the time I'd given. Without leaving any doubt I told her that I would watch her daughter the following week, but after that I would not watch her anymore. Whether or not she was in daycare she would have to make other arrangements for her. She said she understood, but did try to talk me into watching her for just a few more weeks. I politely told her no.
I felt so much better talking to her and telling her that I was done. I didn't make an excuse or back down on what I was saying. This was something new for me, probably the first time I ever really told someone no for something. In this once situation I was both non-assertive and assertive.